Under Siege 2: Dark Territory Review and Running Commentary:
This is the second Under Siege movie and it stars Steven Seagal. Katherine Heigl, Eric Bogosian, Everett McGill, and Morris Chestnut. Let the running commentary of doom begin.
Running commentary -
Starts off with a rocket putting a satellite in space.
Turns out it's a satellite run by the CIA. WHAT A PERVERT! The guy goes right to use it to look at a topless woman on the beach, LOL.
It's a top secret satellite that the government THINKS is just a weather satellite. Yeah, looks like the world is going to get blown up by the end of this movie.
Ryback is now a chef at a restaurant in Denver. His brother died and he's going to take his niece to the funeral on a train.
Now she's getting hit on by Chestnut the Porter, lol.
The captains who ran the satellite are secret lovers.
IT'S THE WEREWOLF GUY FROM SILVER BULLET!
Oh noes. The bad guys have commandered choppers from a small military airfield.
Ryback and Heigl argue but then make up and she beats up Chestnut, lol.
The bad guys stop the train and shoot the conductors. WHOA! NOW THEY'RE TAKING OVER THE TRAIN!
RYBACK JUST KILLED A GUY!
The bad guys now control the train and Ryback is still alive after hiding in the freezer.
Travis Dane, the guy who created the Grazer One satellite, is behind it with Silver Bullet guy as his co-conspirator.
Dane tells the hostages that they will be shot if they try anything via video monitor.
WHOA! HE'S USING A HOT NEEDLE THAT MAKES THE EYEBALL EXPLODE TO MAKE THEM GIVE HIM THE CONTROL CODES OF THE GRAZER ONE SATELLITE! AWESOME!
Dane gets the codes, hacks into ATAC, and controls the satellite.
Ryback on top of the train now to keep from getting found. He sees them throwing the two captains off the train and killing them.
Ryback and Chestnut are the only ones who aren't being held hostage.
Dane does a demonstration to his investors from overseas.
HOLY SHIT! HE JUST BLEW UP A NUCLEAR FACILITY IN CHINA WITH THE SATELLITE!
Turns out it's a satellite that creates earthquake as a weapon. The Admiral shows up and finds out they made the satellite behind their backs. He's pissed when he finds out some maniac built it, lol.
One of the investors wants Dane to blow up an airplane that his ex-wife is on for 500 million dollars, lol.
HE BLOWS UP THE AIRCRAFT AND CREATES AN EARTHQUAKE IN MID-AIR! WOW!
Dane calls into ATAC and reveals he's behind what happened, what satellite they shot down, and about the 50 ghost satellites he made for them to try and find the real one in. He tells them he's going to attack the Pentagon and says he's still smarter than all of them. What a great heel.
Silver Bullet guy finds blood and realizes there's an intruder as Seagal is looking for a radio to call for help.
RYBACK KICKS A GUY AND HE GETS RUN OVER BY THE TRAIN!
Ryback gets shot and falls off the train.
Ryback is hiding under the train.
Ryback and Chestnut back together. Military guys realize that Penn and Dane are working together. The bad guys figure out that Casey Ryback is the guy who's kicking their asses single-handedly. Silver Bullet guy is Penn.
Penn: "Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups." GREAT line.
Penn finds Ryback's niece to use as a hostage.
RYBACK THROWS A BOMB AT A GUY AND BLOWS HIM UP!
Chestnut steals the CD and Ryback is kicking the asses of the bad guy's goons.
Ryback falls of the train and almost falls down a cliff so the bad guys stop to get the CD and also chase after the porter.
The train leaves without Ryback after Penn finds the CD under the train.
Ryback chasing down the train now in a truck.
Heigl tries to claw Penn's face with her thumb and instead of hurting him it turns him on, LMFAO.
OH NOES! THEY'RE IN DARK TERRITORY!
Ryback and Chestnut go to save the hostages while Dane blows up two Stealth bombers using Grazer One.
Ryback and Penn headed for a showdown now.
Ryback kicks his ass the entire fight, lol. One sided.
Ryback shoots Dane in the chest and on the computer which helps destroy Grazer One.
TWO TRAINS COLLIDE! RYBACK IS RUNNING THROUGH THE TRAIN AS IT BLOWS UP! That was pretty awesome to watch.
Ends with Ryback and Heigl at his brother's tombstone.
2 out of 5 stars. Nowhere near as good as the first movie but not too horrible either. Average action flick. Best part is the train collision escape scene at the end. Could've been a lot worse.