Saturday, April 16, 2011

Day of the Dead Review

Day of the Dead

This is my review of the movie Day of the Dead starring Mena Suvari, Ving Rhames, and Nick Cannon. Let the running commentary begin.

Running Commentary -
Starts off with candles and a young couple dancing to some crappy music. Another couple is making out in the back. They appear to be in a barn.
VING RHAMES!
The military is blocking off the roads to Boulder. There's something going on in the town.
Two of the teenagers in the barn have bloody noses and they all leave the barn.
One of the teenage girls wanders into the woods and gets chased by some guy and he grabs her.
Why is Mena Suvari flirting with the ugliest guy in the platoon? lol
The military has quarantined the town.
Mena's mom is sick and she finds her brother making out with some babe on the couch.
Mena and the ugly guy find blood and two bodies that are pretty gory looking.
Ving tells Mena there are missing doctors at the hospital. Yeah, missing doctors and half eaten bodies. This has zombie apocalypse written all over it.
Everyone is spitting and sneezing up blood in the hospital. Half the town is sick. I think it's about to hit the fan.
WHOA! A VIRUS IS TURNING PEOPLE INTO ZOMBIES! AWESOME!
ZOMBIES ARE KILLING EVERYONE! THIS IS GREAT!
Zombies are everywhere and attacking anything that is breathing.
HOLY CRAP! A ZOMBIE JUST WALKED ACROSS THE CEILING LIKE SPIDER MAN!
Mena's brother and girlfriend are about the only ones to survive the hospital massacre.
Ving gets killed by the zombies as Mena, ugly nerd guy, and some douche in a suit survive and hold up in a room.
ZOMBIES GOT CRAZY OUTSIDE! THIS IS INSANE!
Why in the blue hell are Mena's brother and his girlfriend running through the woods? Don't they know you NEVER run through the woods in a horror movie.
My theory: the government is behind this.
The fat guy runs the radio station and he lets the Mena's brother and his girlfriend in. There's an older couple there too.
ZOMBIE VING!
Dork boy gets bitten and Nick Cannon wants to shoot him.
Why is Nick alive but Ving is dead? This makes no sense.
Why are three soldiers and a douche able to fight off a zombie horde but no one else can?
Now everyone at the radio station is paranoid they might be infected. It's whomever had the nose bleed but no one will fess up.
IT WAS THE STATION OWNER! THEY KILL HIM! THAT WAS CRAZY!
Now the soldiers are raiding the gun store for weapons.
Dork soldier turns into a zombie but doesn't eat them because he's a vegetarian...well at least there's storyline continuity.
The soldiers rescue Mena's brother and girlfriend from the radio station.
They arrive at the base and it's crawling with zombies.
ZOMBIES SOLDIERS CAN SHOOT!
Why is it nobody is listening to the vegetarian zombie when he's trying to warn them? Idiots.
While escaping they find a secret laboratory. When exploring it they find the suit wearing douchebag again. They find paperwork about Project: Wildfire and he tells them that he doesn't know if their research has anything to do with the outbreak. They find a video with a scientist talking about how he killed everyone and he locked himself into the bunker. He talks about his beautiful weapon before turning into a zombie. Says it was intended to paralyze enemy troops for capture. He tells them some people have a natural immunity to it. Mena and Cannon go after the original zombie. He's smarter than the others.
They split up. Nice move there idiots. NEVER split up in a zombie or horror movie.
Mena gets grabbed but the vegetarian zombie saves her.
SCIENTIST ZOMBIE RIPS OFF HIS HEAD! AWESOME!
Only Mena, her brother, and his girlfriend escape. Ends with a news report about the outbreak being contained only for a zombie to lunge at the camera.

Overall:
3 out of 5 stars. Cheesy horror movie at its finest. Speaking of fine Mena Suvari is in this and did a pretty good job. The zombie virus creation reveal made sense but the vegetarian zombie thing was really unique. Not a bad zombie movie but I will recommend this to horror fans only.

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