Thursday, April 14, 2011
Hellraiser: Bloodline Review
Reviewing the movie Hellraiser: Bloodline in this edition of Varga's Movie Reviews. Let the running commentary of doom begin.
Running commentary -
Starts off in some sort of a spaceship with a skeleton lying against a wall. Some guy is using a terminator type robot to solve the ancient puzzle box as some soldiers are headed to his position. The robot solves it and Pinhead destroys it! COOL!
The soldiers show up and relieve the man after Pinhead is released. They don't know what he's been up to.
He doesn't tell them anything but warns them to get off the station. He says it's an endgame that started years ago and says whatever she is afraid of is on the station. Says he built the biggest trap in the galaxy and says he's going to send hell back in his trap.
He starts telling the woman about the story of the puzzlebox. It goes over the creation of the puzzlebox. Some toymaker in France created it. His wife wants him to say but he wants to go and leaves with his "greatest creation."
Now there's some creepy old guy trying to seduce some young woman.
She gets tied up by a magician to a chair and realizes it's a bad place before she gets choked by the magician with a rope. The toymaker arrives and the old man pays him for the box.
They've drained the blood from the woman. Gross! I wonder if they're vampiric entities.
The creepy old guy starts doing a chant after they've covered the floor in blood. The room starts shaking and the puzzle box opens up. The woman's body above them comes back to life during his chants. The magician can't believe it. He says she is a summoned demon that he will command.
The toymaker tells his professor friend about who is skeptical about it. He's doing an autopsy. The professor suggests making another machine to destroy the demons.
That night he goes back to the lair of the old creepy man and finds bodies as well as people having sex. The demon distracts him and the magician knocks him over.
The toymaker escapes and warns his wife to save herself and the child.
The man continues to tell the story about the merchant's family and the puzzle box being talked about.
Now there's a young couple in the future and the husband is having nightmares about demons. Turns out they are in 1996. The demons are in Paris and the woman demon wants to go to America.
The man demon, Jacques, says he is in control but Angelique still wants to go. She has him close his eyes so he does bruise and then cuts his face with her fingernail and then punches him before scratching his head again. She continues to cut him with her nails because he likes it rough.
SHE BITES A CHUNK OUT OF HIS CHEEK! GROSS!
She kills him and goes to New York on her own to go after the toymaker's bloodline.
The man's name is John Merchant. John sees Angelique at his speech and recognizes her from his nightmares before running off.
Angelique tricks some guy into thinking they're going to have sex in the basement. She has him close his eyes and tells him to trust her. She punches into the wall and retrieves the puzzlebox. Says it's time to play another game.
HOLY CRAP! THE BOX OPENS AND CHAINS WITH HOOKS GRAB HIM AND PULL HIM INTO A VOID! This is so awesome. Pinhead appears out of the doorway and picks up the puzzle box.
Angelique asks him about hell and Pinhead tells her Hell is more orderly since she left. She is a princess of Hell.
Angelique shows up at Michael's art shop and says she's a friend, a client for sure. She notices the blueprints for something and he says it's something to do with mirrors and razors. It creates perpetual light so it's the opposite of the puzzlebox.
She calls him toymaker and tells him about his bloodline. She still wants to work with him and says she'll be in touch.
Michael has sex with Angelique in his dream. She then calls him and says she has to see him.
Creepy scene with Pinhad petting a dove and then killing it. He says humans can be controlled as much by terror as by temptation.
Cue idiot security guards talking about fetish sex with trannies. lol
They find a door they'd never seen before and go inside to find a long hallway. Pinhead says he smells the equisite stench of what the Princess really is.
The guards hear something and the lights go out. Pinhead says she looks like death. He starts cutting her chest with his hooked finger.
The guards find Pinhead and Angelique. He tells them pain has a face and says he is pain. He says he knows their fears after he uses chains to immobolize them. He tells the Princess to work for or against him before brutally killing the two guards with his devices of torture.
Angelique shows up at John's place and says they were good together and they will be again.
John's wife realizes their son Jack is missing. She finds him with Pinhead. He tells her he is there for business and not pleasure and he has live bait. When she is with Jack she finds the puzzle box.
Michael now finds their lair. Michael confronts Pinhead and Pinhead says he has hopes and dreams for his son. Pinhead says he wants the box and says it's a gateway to Hell. Says it's potentially a bigger pathway. He wants Michael to help make it fulfill his promise.
Michael helps his family escape before confronting Pinhead. Pinhead says the box is only a model and wants him to make a true version of it. He wants him to open the gates of Hell with a bigger version of it. Says its time to play and he will go first. Wants to open a pathway forever.
Some demon dog is stalking his wife now. She opens the box.
Angelique has his sone and wants him to open the pathway for him.
Michael opens up the pathway but it's the light one that is out to destroy the box.
PINHEAD CUTS HIS HEAD OFF! HOLY CRAP!
Michaels wife opens up the pizzle box and sends both Pinhead and Angelique back to hell.
Dr. Merchant on the spaceship says the boy lived and the story was passed down through the generations. He then tells the woman he was summoning a demon. Says he suceeded.
Pinhead arrives and confronts Dr. Merchant and the original opening sequence ending is shown.
Merchant tries to warn her but she doesn't believe in Hell.
Merchant keeps warning everyone but none of them believe him.
Pinhead then kills two soldiers.
HOLY CRAP! HE JUST RIPPED THAT GUY'S FACE OFF!
There are four Cenobites. Pinhead says Merchant has a plan and to kill them all. Merchant says if he isn't let out they are all dead. This is quickly becoming Event Horizon.
Angelique lures in the captain and kills him. Pinhead stalks another soldier and his hellhound kills the man before he can commit suicide.
They finally believe Merchant and let him out to complete what he started.
The Cenobites find a soldier with the box and they take it from him before killing him.
Pinhead confronts Merchant.
Pinhead: Garden of Eden...a Garden of Flesh.
Merchant tells the woman to leave and he's going to take care of the rest. She then gets chased by the hellhound. She lures it into a pressure room and turns up the pressure so it explodes.
Pinhead continues to give his monologue to Merchant.
Merchant sets the trap and destroys the Cenobites.
WHOA! THE SHIP WAS A GIANT BOX! AWESOME!
2 out of 5 stars. Pinhead did too much villainous monologuing in this movie for my taste but the death scene special effects were great. Liked the story about the history of the Puzzle Box that is really a gateway to Hell. Going to recommend this for horror movie fans only.