Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Going to review Valentine now and it's a horror movie. If I remember correctly when I saw this years ago this movie sucked so I'm not expecting much.
Running Commentary -
Starts off with some middle school dance and yearbook flashbacks revolving around some dork character. The yearbook has writings of hate and love about the girls who wont dance with him. One of the girls is caught kissing him and tells the boys he got on her. They then take off his clothes and humiliate him.One of the girls is grown up and goes on a date with some douchebag before going back to her job working at the morgue. Yeah, sounds like a fun job.
While wandering in the dark alone like an idiot she finds a creepy Valentines' Day card taped to the wall and goes back to her corpse. However it's breathing and the real corpse is in the closet. Naturally she wanders off alone to find the culprit instead of calling for help. The masked killer stalks her into a room of corpses in the morgue.
The killer finds the idiot woman in a bodybag hiding and slits her throat before walking out. I can tell this movie is going to be filled with idiots already.
Great, there's a recovering alcoholic character and a bunch of catty women who have no personalities.
This movie has some stupid characters. There's some old guy with a mail order wife and his bratty daughter...what's next, a Ventriloquist character?
Chocolate candy filled with maggots...GROSS!
Now all of the idiot women are talking about some stupid dance again and still haven't put the pieces together.
The Valentine's Day art exhibit is disturbing and weird.
The killer strikes again, this time with bows and arrows. The killer is bleeding from the nose like the nerd kid did in the flashbacks.
The women talk about the boy and Dorothy reveals that the Jeremy didn't attack her and that she lied about it.
FINALLY they figure out all of this is Jeremy's Revenge Plot.
The women are talking with some police detective and after Paige gets hit on by Det. Vaughn.
Why is every character in this movie wandering off alone? *shaking my head*
Now it's the big party and everyone is there.Bondage scene with Paige tying some douche to the bed and blindfolding him before pouring wax on his crotch. This film is filled with idiots.
How can someone find themselves alone with the killer when there's at least a hundred people at a party?
Why on Earth would you go to a hot tub by yourself when there's a killer on the loose?!
Now the women are arguing over who has the hottest boyfriend and over which boyfriend could be the killer.More people walking around alone? Are you kidding me?There's a severed head in the Coy pond...cool.
Now the woman FINALLY gets a gun. FINALLY someone gets a brain in this movie.The boyfriend saves her from the killer and it's revealed to be Dorothy. He consoles her before calling the cops. They hug again at the end and he tells her he loves her. Just then blood trickles from his nose and he's revealed to be the real killer.
1 star out of 5. Too many idiot characters in this wandering off on their own to get killed which got old fast. I did like the twist at the end but the rest of this garbage was forgettable.